Warehouse 13

Today we delve into one of the stereotypical government agents hunt down wacky artefacts series. In this case, Warehouse 13.

And that’s pretty much it. Simple theme, simple execution. The show is mostly carried by its wackiness, the weird objects, their effects, and the stories surrounding them. The characters, two government agents and their allies, are quite stereotypical, with one overarching trait each. True, there’s some development as the series progress, but it’s never the characters that make it watchable. Except for H. G. Wells, played by Jaime Murray, she was quite enjoyable.

The acting itself is okay, and so is the CG, nothing exceptional, just okay. The music can be annoying at times, too whimsical, or too obvious, or too annoying, but it fits so that at least is okay.

The series is formulaic, but enjoyable. Nothing too absorbing or philosophical. Just harmless, nonsensical, wacky, fun.

    So I guess that’s how I’d characterize it, wacky, give it a watch if you’re starved for a ‘government agency saves the world’ themed series and have nothing else to see.

    So what about the pilot?

    The episode opens in a museum in Washington, DC, where Agent Myka Bering, played by Joanne Kelly, is overseeing the preparation for an operation. With the comical music in the background promising whimsical, slapstick fun. None follows. For the moment.

    Meanwhile, Agent Pete Lattimer, played by Eddie McClintock, gets up from a one night fling with a bimbo who can’t figure out his job by his badge. Ah, a stuck up female Agent, and a ladies man male Agent, classic.

    Somewhere else, a random lab person is working on a creepy, round, stone mask. A ritual blood stone thingy, or so he clarifies. A minor accident occurs, he gets cut and ‘feeds’ it some blood. We know this won’t lead to anything good right from the start.   

I’m not really a fan of fragmented introductions. I suppose they work, but I prefer more connected beginnings. They make a story feel smooth, well connected, and not just patched up. At least it establishes everything fast and painless, character, situation, and stereotypes.

But moving on. The bimbo works as a server at the reception in the museum. It’s an expensive, high profile exhibition of new artefacts and the secret services are there to supervise. We see the lab attendant again, gulping in a whole glass of champagne, sweating profusely and acting creepy. The music makes sure to drive home the ominous foreshadowing, of course, along with a bloody fingerprint he leaves on the glass.

Immediately after, we’re introduced to the character conflict, Myka’s stuck up, Pete’s trying to be a playboy, perhaps I mentioned that already, and they are having a little alpha contest about who’s in charge. In other words, were this real life, he’d be fired or demoted at best.

Apparently, he gets ‘vibes’ so he knows what’s the best position for him, regardless of what was assigned. But this is a supernatural-ish show, so lets let it slide.

Another mysterious character with grey hair, grey beard, round glasses and a vintage doctor’s bag shows up, and the lab guy, stares at the mask with bloodshot eyes. Then the mysterious character starts disabling agents with a weird electric gun. Is he our bad guy? Probably not, the music didn’t cue an ominous, dramatic note when he entered, instead we get whimsical action choir.

Pete sees the mask bleed and whisks it off, shouting he’s secret service. Now, I’m not sure it works quite like that. So why isn’t anyone calling security?

Myka sees the lab attendent, the blood he lets drip behind him, and the knife thing he pulls so she removes her heels, gathers up her dress, and jumps in pursuit. On a different museum level, Pete drops the mask and it rolls right to the mysterious character who is now sprouting weird protective goggles. The mask is neutralized, the creepy lab guy is subdued, and the exhibition is saved.

And we’re about ten minutes into the story. Not bad. Quite a lot of action in quite a little time without feeling rushed. Though from here on the story stalls.

First we get the obligatory, I know what I saw, versus we need urine sample to test you for drugs. Pete is suspended because his story is too crazy, but then Myka and he are transferred under the invitation of the mysterious Mrs Frederic, played by CCH Pounder. The two bicker, he fucked up but why is she taken along as well to a government facility in the middle of nowhere, and etc.

Some witty banter here and there, but overall its all cheese. Granted, not that bad cheese, but still cheese.

So the agents are introduced to the Warehouse and its wacky watcher Artie, or the mysterious character we saw earlier, played by Saul Rubinek. His character trait is that he’s smart and wacky.

 

Also there’s a cow in front of the warehouse, no one knows why, not what the poor thing eats as there’s no grass, but there’s a cow.

They spent the next twenty-ish minutes messing around, exploring the warehouse, and coming to terms with the fact wacky sciency, paranormal things exist and then getting in trouble by mistreating artefacts. That’s what the series are in a nutshell. They either need to find a misbehaving artefact or they start trouble on their own by messing with one already in the warehouse.

There’s also a lot of mumbo jumbo about energy, predisposition, alignments destiny and all that nonsense. I like to swipe that under the rug and never look at it again, else I get a headache trying to figure out what it all means.

In this episode the artefacts in question are Houdini’s wallet, which falls into Myka’s purse by accident, and Lucrezia Borgia’s comb. The comb induces rage in a young man forcing him to do bad things, makes a teacher set himself on fire, and other random accidents all incited by the a woman under its influence.

Luckily, our agents find the artefacts, neutralize it with the purple stuff, that’s what it’s called in the series, dispel whatever hold it had over the woman, the man, and the audience of a play and all is good and well until the next wacky adventure.

They do get in a car accident in the process, you know for action and stuff. The wallet, by the way, causes ghosts to appear, for some reason, in this case bringing visions of Sam, an agent Myka couldn’t save. It’s a minor story line that goes on for a while.

Overall, the episode is okay, it introduces the characters, the theme, the plot, but it meanders a lot and a slower, calmer lookover by the writers could easily yield a faster, shorter episode. Or at the very least something less than an hour and a half, which is how long the pilot episode is. Some shows may need such a long start, this one I’d ascribe to sloppiness in writing.